How to Train Your Child
by Dancing on Dragon Wings
Summary: A day in the life of the Haddock family...


How to Watch Your Child

This is Berk. Now, I'm not going to detail how miserable of a place this pile of rock is, because, I really don't think of it like that anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's still a pile of rock, but hey, it's home. Vikings, sheep, dragons, we've got them all, but the last few years, things have started to change. We've added children to the list. Now, we've always had kids, but they weren't our own and they certainly weren't anything like this generation. You see, our kids, they don't play hopscotch or checkers like most normal children of the world do. No, they've got this thing. They, from the time they're born, are on the backs of _dragons._

...

"Stoick, Sweetie, it's time to get up." Astrid whispered as she stroked her five year old's blonde head of hair. He ignored her and snuggled deeper under the covers. "Rise and shine, Kiddo." She encouraged.

" _Mom."_ He whined.

"Alright, that's it." She began tickling him."Now get up or I'm going to sic Toothless on you!" She threatened as he giggled and shrieked with laughter.

"What's going on up here?" Hiccup asked coming up the steps with a two year old girl sucking her thumb laying against his chest. Her blue eyes still heavy with sleep and her ginger curls flying every which way.

"Sleepy Head here, won't get up." She explained.

"Ah, I see, well that means there's only one thing left to do...Toothless?"

"No, Daddy, no!" Stoick screamed, laughing. "I'll get up!"

"To late." Hiccup said mischievously as Toothless barged up the stairs and licked the little boy's face, slobber dripping down his night shirt.

"Oh, thanks a lot, Hiccup." Astrid responded, rolling her eyes. "So you are going to clean this up right?"

"Astrid, you know that stuff doesn't wash out!" He complained. She glared at him. "Mommy looks kind of mad, doesn't she, Stoick?" The little boy grinned, his green eyes lighting up. "How do you think we should fix this?"

"I don't know." He replied innocently.

"How about we all go flying this afternoon once I'm done doing all my chiefly duties for the day?" He posed the question more to Astrid. She grinned.

"You mean after you give Stoick a bath and wash these drool infested blankets?"

"Yeah, something like that." He shrugged, smirking.

"Sounds good to me."

"Alright then, if you'll just take Elin, then I'll get going with that."

"Hiccup, we've been over this, her name is Brenna."

"But, I like Elin, it means "most beautiful", the same as your name." He explained for the thousandth time as he reached down to pick up a toy on the floor. "The only reason you like the name Brenna is because it means "sword"."

"Is not." He gave her a look. "Okay, fine, so what if it does mean sword? It's a pretty name!"

"Astrid, she's two now, can't we just call her Elin and be done with it?"

"No."

"Why is this still a fight? The poor kid's gonna have identity issues."

"I like the name Iona." Stoick butted in. Toothless made a face.

"Yeah, I'm with you on that, Bud." Hiccup said under his breath. Astrid sighed. She honestly liked the name, but growing up she'd hated the meaning of her name. It made her feel weak, being thought of as beautiful, she had been afraid it would make people underestimate her. At times it had, and she didn't want that for her daughter, but Elin was going to be a beautiful girl, so…

"Fine, you win, BUT, we still keep Brenna as her second name. Elin Brenna Haddock"

"Finally! After two years! And, I'm not going into detail how I suggested that little compromise at least million times, before you finally came around."

"No you're not."

"Nope. Not even going to go there. Now, you ready for that bath, Stoick?" Hiccup and Astrid turned to look at the bed to find Stoick hiding behind Toothless.

"Do I have to?"

"Do you want to smell like dragon's breath all day? No offence Toothless." Hiccup amended when Toothless growled.

"Yes!" Stoick replied enthusiastically. Hiccup huffed.

"Like father, like son!" Astrid sang as she carried Elin back downstairs.

"Not helping." Hiccup returned dryly.

"Hey, you ready for Thawfest tomorrow?" She yelled from downstairs as he picked up his struggling son and threw him over his shoulder.

"No, Daddy! I don't want to take a bath!"

"Shhh." He tried to quiet Stoick. "Am I _ever_ ready, Astrid?" He yelled back down.

"Daddy!" The little boy screamed. Hiccup sighed and set him down.

"Hey, now." He said gently a he wiped away a tear from the little boys face."It's just a bath. It'll be fun!" He said smiling.

"I don't wanna." Stoick pouted.

"Well, are you going to to compete?" Astrid yelled back. Hiccup glanced toward the stairs.

"Okay, kid, listen to me real quick. If you promise not to tell mommy and will be good and take your bath…"

"What was that?" Astrid questioned.

"Nothing! Just...Uh...I don't see why not. Don't I always?"

"Yeah, okay, good."

"Why?"

"Because you're going to be seeing Stormfly's tail in your face!"

"Wait, what? You're going to join?" He stood up and then remembered Stoick. "Uh, just a minute, little guy, we'll finish this conversation outside." He said, picking him up and walking down the stairs.

"Why not? I'll let Gobber watch the kids. They'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I mean with Gobber?"

"Oh, you're right, maybe I should let Ruffnut…"

"Never mind, Gobber's great." She grinned and gave him a quick peck on the cheek as she started washing the dishes while keeping an eye on Elin who was happily playing on the floor with a wooden spoon.

"Okay, then, well, I'm, I'm just going to go get him cleaned up." She nodded and the boys, (Hiccup, Stoick and Toothless) went outside. Hiccup checked to make sure they were out of Astrid's ear shot.

"Alright, now, here's the deal." Stoick nodded expectantly. "If you'll take your bath without crying now and forever more, I'll ask Uncle Snotlout to let you and me ride on Hookfang. Just don't tell your Mom"

"Really?" The boy asked in awe.

"Really."

"Okay, come on Dad. Let's go." _Finally._ Hiccup thought with a sigh. Stoick had a major fascination with Monstrous Nightmares and Astrid was quite adamant about not letting him ride one until he was a little older, but Hiccup figured if he was the one riding with Stoick it would be okay with her, but he still wasn't about to chance her fury.

…

Later that afternoon Hiccup came sauntering into the house.

"Astrid?" He called out. He heard someone quietly running down the stairs.

"Shh." Astrid whispered. "I just got her to sleep."

"Opps, sorry." She raised her eyebrows. He gulped.

"Um, so yeah, anyways, where's Stoick? I promised him I'd take out on a few of my rounds."

"He's over at Ruffnut's playing with the kids. So, should I pack some dinner for tonight?"

"Oh yeah, that's right, I forgot." He slapped his forehead. She put her arms around his neck.

"You forgot?" She asked, kissing him lightly.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Just pack some fish. We'll let the dragon's cook for us." He smiled. It was an easy way to get out of Astrid's creative meals. "I was thinking about taking the kids to the cove. Maybe go for a swim."

"Sounds good to me. You want to invite your mom?"

"Yeah, I think she'd like to come, give her a chance to get away from all her suitors." Astrid grinned.

"Alright then, I'll get busy."

"Okay, well, I'm, I'm just going to go track down our son."

"Good luck with that." He laughed at her and headed out the door. Here lately it seemed all the old bachelors on Berk were after his mom. He'd had three just this week asking him for her hand. He had turned them all down. Valka had told him she didn't want to remarry and that was that. Hiccup was glad. It wasn't that he didn't want his mom to go on with her life, he did, but to see her with anyone who wasn't his Dad, would be exceedingly hard. Still, all these men swarming to her like bees to honey made life interesting. However, the men were finding Valka a harder fish to catch than they'd originally thought. Hiccup had gone over to her house the other day and found her hitting one of the Vikings over the head with a pot. The man unsurprisingly quickly gave up on his pursuit.

Hiccup and Toothless arrived at Ruffnut's and Eret's, children running around in chaotic mayhem. Hiccup still hadn't figured out how those two had gotten together. The best he could conclude was that Ruffnut's constant prodding must have finally tired Eret out to the point that he'd proposed. Hiccup had been asked to perform their wedding ceremony and the pair seemed happy. They must be, because here they were four years later with three kids and one on the way. Astrid was still in wonder at it, Hiccup knew. Needless to say, he was dreading the day when the children all became teenagers. Four mini Ruffnuts and Erets was enough to make anyone squirm. Because of Ruffnut's love for craziness, the village children flocked to her house, knowing they could get by with murder while at her abode.

"Ruffnut!" Hiccup yelled above the noise.

"Back here!" She yelled back.

"Oh good, Hiccup, you're here." Eret exclaimed exhaustedly.

"Eret, how, how are you doing?"

"Not so well, but, hey, you think you could find me a job, scouting or _something_?"

"Isn't that what you're doing?"

"Yes, but I need something more. Please, just anything to get me out of _this_ house."

"Uh, sure, stop by tomorrow and we'll work on it."

"Thank you!" He whispered as Ruffnut screamed at him.

"Eret, get these kids out of here! I am NOT loving the noise right now, make it stop!"

"Yes, dear!" He yelled back. He grabbed an armful of squirming children and made his way outside. The noise inside subsided as Hiccup shut the door behind him, going into the kitchen.

"Hey, Ruffnut."

"What do you want?"

"Um, I just, I just came by to pick up Stoick. What exactly are you you doing, Tuffnut?" Hiccup asked, surprised to find Tuffnut on his hands and knees apparently begging for something.

"Oh, come on Sis, please!" Tuffnut pleaded. Ruffnut ignored him.

"Oh good, one less kid. I mean I love the craziness, but it's starting to drive me crazy, and I'm already crazy without adding the added crazy, which is crazy in the first place. You know what I mean?"

"Honestly? No, not really. What's up Tuffnut?" He asked again.

"Ruff isn't competing tomorrow." He replied finally.

"No. How could she with," He gestured to her massive stomach, "with that?"

"Watch it Hiccup, you're treading on dangerous ground." Ruffnut steamed. He cringed, not wanting to invoke her wrath.

"It's been like that, "Tuffnut gestured to his sister's stomach again, "for the past four years at Thawfest." He complained. Ruffnut whacked him over the head with her ladle.

"That didn't even hurt." He complained. "What happened to when you used to beat me till my nose bled?" She punched him hard in the face. "Oh, that's better." He sighed, content in his pain.

"Why don't you ask Gustave to fly with you?" Hiccup suggested.

"He's got his own dragon now."

"True, how about Gothi?"

"Are you crazy?"

"No, why don't you ask her? I'm sure she could handle it."

"Not happening."

"Fine, so then you just won't be in the dragon race. You've still got all the other sports."

"But the dragon race is the best part!" Tuff whined.

"Like I said, if I were you, I'd ask Gothi. She might surprise you. Anyways, I've got to go. See you guys tomorrow. Thanks for watching Stoick, Ruff."

"Mmm hmm." She replied absentmindedly as she aimed for Tuffnut with her broom. Hiccup shook his head and went outside. He saw Barf and Belch laying on the ground, board. This situation with the twins was a serious problem. He didn't begrudge Ruffnut her position, but he understood Tuffnut's side of things and Barf and Belch needed their flying time. It was hard, as twins for them to be living more separate lives now, harder still for their dragons. Ruffnut loved them all, but she was only one person and she just wasn't able to ride as much as she needed to anymore. To be frank, Hiccup was at a loss with the issue. A two headed dragon needed two riders, and Barf and Belch, to fly, needed Tuffnut _and_ Ruffnut as much as Toothless needed his prosthetic to fly. Even if Tuffnut could find someone to fly with, the dragons would have to bond with whoever it was and Ruffnut would have to give up her best friend and find a new dragon, which Hiccup knew wasn't going to happen. He sighed, just one more dilemma to add to the pile.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Stoick came running up as Hiccup bent down to pet the Zippleback.

"There's my boy." He said, standing and picking up the child. "You ready to go find Uncle Snotlout?" The little boy nodded, wide eyed. "Alright then, let's go." He put the little boy up on his shoulders and started jogging over to Toothless, with his arms outstretched like he was flying. Stoick laughed and grabbed handfuls of Hiccup's hair hanging on for dear life. Hiccup winced then laughed. Life was good, he thought as together the three flew out to the dragon riding academy where Snotlout was waiting.

"Well, it's about time you showed up." Snotlout grumbled.

"Yeah, sorry, got held up at Ruffnut's." Hiccup replied helping Stoick climb down off of Toothless.

"Stoick, my man!" Snotlout welcomed. "You ready to fly on a _real_ dragon today?" Toothless growled. "Oh get over it." Snotlout barked.

"Yeah!" The little boy yelled in excitement.

"It'll just be for a short ride." Reminded Hiccup gently. "Snotlout, thanks. I'll just take him up for a few minutes and be back in no time."

"Aw, let the kid have some fun. What Astrid doesn't know, isn't going to kill her."

"I know, but I hate going behind her back like this, it's just, I just needed the kid to take a bath."

"Come on, Hiccup! You make the kid take baths?"

"You would too if your son was covered in dragon spit."

"Point taken. And, hey, it's Hookfang. what could possibly go wrong?"

"Please, don't ask. Anyways, be back in a few." Hiccup climbed up on Hookfang and Snotlout handed Stoick to him, the kid squirming all over the place. "Alright now, you know the rules."

"Yes Daddy."

"No jumping off, no wiggling and hold on tight. If you fall, I will catch you, but keep calm."

"Yes sir."

"Hookfang is going to fly a little differently than you're used to on Stormfly and Toothless, so hold on tight to the saddle, okay?"

"Please, Daddy, can we go now?"

"Okay, Hookfang, take us up nice and easy." As usual, when Hiccup was riding Hookfang, he obeyed. After a few laps without incident, they smoothly flew back down to the area.

"Again, again!" Stoick begged.

"Maybe another day, Son. But no more now. It's time to go get Grandma and eat dinner. Thanks Hookfang." Hiccup said, patting Hookfang on the nose. He would never admit this to anyone, but that ride had scared him to death. Hiccup trusted the dragon, but he was after all a Monstrous Nightmare and Snotlout's dragon; which was another issue all on it's own.

"Please, Daddy!" Stoick pleaded.

"No. Now say good-bye to Hookfang."

"Good-bye, Hookfang." He said mournfully.

"Thanks Snotlout. See ya later."

"Mmm hmm." Snotlout replied, disinterested. He was still trying to figure out just how Hiccup always made an obedient Hookfang when he was riding him. After the Haddocks had left he went up to Hookfang and rubbed him down. "Why can't you be that good for me?" He asked. Hookfang laid down and ignored him. He did behave, when it was important. But, it wasn't often important, so why shouldn't he have a little fun in-between?

...

"What a nice evening." Valka exclaimed laying down in the tall grass. Astrid smiled at her.

"That looks good, I think I'll just lay down for a minute too. Hiccup, could you keep an eye on the kids?"

"Sure thing, M'lady. You two just enjoy your little nap while I slave away watching our psychotic offspring."

"We will." They both replied at the same time giggling.

"Fine, you just do that." He pretended to pout. Astrid smiled at him and he shook his head smiling back at her. "Okay, kids." He called. "Let's go to the lake. We're going to go for a swim." The children left with Hiccup and Toothless, whooping and hollering, ready to get in the water.

"Don't let them drown, Hiccup." Valka called. She heard him laugh in the distance and grinned.

Astrid sighed, content, basking in the late afternoon sun.

"You're not worried in the least are you?" Valka observed.

"About the kids? Nope. I mean," She rolled over on her stomach taking a piece of grass between her teeth and chewing on it. "For all Hiccup's crazy ideas and near death experiences, he never puts the kids in danger no matter what." Valka nodded.

"So I heard you're competing in the games tomorrow."

"I think I should, it's been a few years and I'm ready to get back in the groove. How about you? Are you going to join?" Valka chucked.

"Me? No. I think I'll sit out on this one and let you kids enjoy yourselves."

"Well, in that case, you want to watch the kids tomorrow? It's either you, Gobber or Ruffnut."

"I'll watch them. Ruffnut's got enough on her plate and Gobber will be busy with the games."

Their heads turned as they heard a screech of laughter and Astrid laughed as Elin came and ran into her lap, soaking wet, her little ginger curls glistening with water in the sun.

"Daddy's coming!" She screamed as she hid behind Astrid's back. Hiccup was growling like a bear coming up the path, also soaked to the skin.

"Where's the mermaid?" He fake growled, "I'm going to catch her and throw her out to sea!" He creeped up slowly and grabbed her by her waist. "There she is! Back to the sea we go!" She was all over him, climbing on his face and hollering. "And would the mermaid queen care to join us?" He asked Astrid, smiling broadly.

"Oh, why not?" She grabbed Elin from him and started running to the lake. "Come, my princess, let us be away from the pirates." She pretended. "In we go, back to our home of seaweed. One, two, THREE!" She cried jumping in. "Oh brrr, Hiccup, this water's freezing!" He laughed at her as they all swam/waded in the cold water. Toothless used his wings to create massive waves and his tail to splash the children, who loved every minute of it. Astrid and Hiccup held on to Elin throughout the whole time as she was still too little to swim on her own, but Stoick swam and splashed to his heart's content. By the time they were done, they were all shivering and tired, but content in their fun and wonderment. As they flew home, both children fell asleep in their parent's arms, the heat from the dragon's skin drying their little wet bodies. Astrid and Hiccup smiled over at each other. They loved this, every minute of being parents. Yeah, sometimes it was hard, but it was all worth it. Tonight they would go home, give the children a bath and get them into clean clothes and tuck them in bed. Astrid would sing them to sleep and Toothless and Stormfly would lay at the foot of their bed, watching the children through the night. Then after the stars had gone to bed themselves, the gray dawn of morning would come, the Terrible Terrors would start their song and the process would start all over again. This was life as it was meant to be lived on Berk. Full of love, fun and family. Flying into the sunset, the family went home. Tomorrow would be a busy day; more than enough Thawfest craziness to go around. But that was tomorrow, as for today, it was enough. It was perfect.


End file.
